Nimish Batra, The Life and Times of

Friday was the last day of the working weekend. The weekend that started early.

Friday was a treat day. The treat was overbudget.

This place called IndiJoe’s has sizzlers. The sizzlers that were burnt.

It was so bad I couldn’t finish. The unpalatable sizzlers that caused indigestion.

A plan was made to go on a Saturday trip. The plan that failed.

I slept over at a friend’s house, the third would meet us on the way. The sleep that started late and ended very late.

So there was no breakfast, and no trip, but instead there was computer games. The games that don’t work on my laptop.

I left my friend’s house a little late on Saturday, and reached home to find I left my keys at his place. The keys that unlock my room.

So I went over to another friend’s house who had an empty room for me to sleep in. The sleep that went on late.

In the morning I went back to the first house, got my keys, came back, packed up a bag and left for office. The office that has a laundromat.

While washing clothes, I planned lunch. The plan that failed.

So by 4.00 pm on Sunday, I had spent about 13 minutes in my house since I left on Friday morning and hadn’t had food since Saturday afternoon.  The Long, Dark Teatime Of The Soul.

Then Harsha called me and said that his friend and he were off to Church St. (there be bookstores) and I should tag along to the Matteo coffee shop. The glitzy slick-looking place.

So I told him that we should sync our backups first, and that’s what we did, after I ate lunch, but Seeing Vista Copy Stuff Is Like a root canal during a national novocaine shortage. (The meme that is mine.)

And then him and friend and I went as they had food, and then on to Church street where I bought a Vonnegut book. The book I think I’ve already bought.

Then we went in (exceedingly hesitantly) to the thing called a “tweetup“. The tweetup to meet a newspaperman.

There was talk, there were people… I don’t remember much of what went on because I had a bit too much coffee on the day. The coffee that makes me drowsy.

Second half of it was great, I suppose, because everybody was involved in a discussion that was being driven, as opposed to fragmented groups talking about things that interest the micro-groups. The micro-groups of micro-bloggers in a micro-conference.

I cam back and my room was in disarray. The disarray that I did not create, “srsly you guys!”

I cleaned up my mess, and watched a movie (Witness For The Prosecution – great plot, amazing voice control) with a tiffin dinner. The dinner that was cold.

That is all.

People I remember meeting and talking to (twitter handles and not links): sidin; gabbbarsingh; kingslyj; faiqg.

Also remember: abesh (because they almost gave his coffee to me); angeldirect (because it sounds like a marketing business from the US); peegeekay (because he kept telling us his username for some reason, as if it was his name…); dhempe (because he is famous on twitter); harshahv (because he dragged me out of movie-watching mode)

There were more. Full list of attendees from dhempe: @dhempe @aturma @angeldirect @ravenous1 @peegeekay @manikgupta @sidin @deepakpanigrahy @theredgreenblue @harshahv @gabbbarsingh @nb42 @kingslyj @faiqg @tinucherian @santoshp @abesh @philiptiju

11:33 am February 1st, 2010 | Category: Life, Rant, movies, tweetup, twitter, weekend | Leave a comment

I haven’t shaved my beard since last Wednesday.

I didn’t have time on Friday morning, I forgot on Saturday, and I got an idea on Sunday.

It is this.

I’ll probably reach office on Thursday at 9am. I will proceed to stroke my handsome mane repeatedly and pointedly.

At about 11 (an hour before I take off for lunch), I’ll use my electric razor to give myself a French beard. I will then not mention anything at all, because it’s quite natural for facial hair to recede as the day wears on. I may thoughtfully stroke my chin or scratch emptily at my cheek, as rugged-yet-sophisticated IT professionals are wont to do.

Then at about 3 pm (this is about 2 hours after lunch and 2 hours before tea), I’ll rid myself completely of the facial growth, shearing wildly in a melee which us regularly-clean-shaven folk experience only rarely.

Then I will proceed to, again, continue calmly and sedately with my work. Because, like I said, facial hair disappears during the day. It recedes inwards you see.

Now, it would work better if I were to shave the RHS of my face completely first, and then later the whole of it. Or the variant where I slowly shave away the hair evenly. But then again, the former will get me hounded out and the latter requires expertise, skill and speed.

You know what will work best? 5 people doing this together.

I probably won’t go through on this… and yet… (Good thing no one reads my blog… or do they??)

11:17 pm November 30th, 2009 | Category: Life, idea, play, prank, work | Comments (2)

I remember something from college that makes me grin.

Usually Electronics or Electrical labs involving the Oscilloscope would be scheduled right after a lunch break. This would give me time to buy a Nestle Kit-Kat.

Now I don’t know who else noticed this, but there’s a triple layer wrapping on Kit-Kat (at least in India it is) – the outer red cover, the inner silver foil and in the middle, the golden hen – the butter paper.

Why in the world would the butter paper interest me?

Because, I almost always, without fail, would forget to buy any tracing paper in the starting of the week, and would be reduced to watching helplessly as the oscilloscope showed perfect readings on it’s stupidly green screen, and I would have nothing to record the readings on! [We are supposed to put the tracing paper on the screen and trace the curve shown, with the scale.]

Enter Kit-Kat. The butter paper (even though very much creased due to being wrapped around a bar of wafery chocolate) was only slightly more opaque than the tracing paper, and almost always the right size to take readings on!

Initially there were smirks from fellow experimenters. Then there was slight unease. Sometimes they tried to get the lab assistant to chuck me out – surprisingly it didn’t catch on. I guess no one liked Kit-Kat that much.

I don’t know why, but remembering that makes me ridiculously proud.

There was also a secret, patent pending method I had hit upon for creating graphs and traces for experiments you hadn’t yet done, but that is a matter for another blog post.

2:27 am October 31st, 2009 | Category: College, Nimish, Rant | Comments (6)

Today, was Thursday.

I think this Thursday broke the record for positive hints. There were MANY portents. Several, staggering signs that things could be amazingly fine.

There were also bad omens.

Hence, a plan. Let’s work and make the good ones count. And let’s be careful and stop the bad ones.

Here’s a toast – a toast to vaguely written blog entries about eventful days!

11:00 pm October 29th, 2009 | Category: Nimish, Rant, random | Leave a comment

Yes, yes, I know I am not writing often enough. And no, no, neither am I having too little to talk about, not too much.

I did come up with an idea or two (on the bus again), but that will have to wait it’s turn – now is not the time.

I’ve been wondering about the eternal verities of Life, the Universe and Everything. Maybe we should get a “Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and Other Thinking Persons” created?

I don’t know. Today is October 11. Tomorrow we can all say, “30 years ago, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy was first published.”

Have a party.

Have two.

That is all.

And another thing… I’ve maintained since the day I heard: This seems like a tragic mistake. Please let me be wrong. But I might be right, sadly – see especially the last sentence where the increasingly frustrated Mr. Colfer is trying (and failing) to insult any Hitchhiker’s’ fan who would express reservations against his name. Of course, there is bound to have been a deluge of negative reaction, but if the pressure gets to you this easily…

6:43 pm October 11th, 2009 | Category: H2G2, Rant | Leave a comment

Another one from my bus thinking sessions…

I think I’ll call it ‘The Moment Of Infinite Possibilities’ – I’m sure better hands than mine would already have crafted something far superior for the concept, but bear with me.

I’m looking out the window at this absolutely serene grey-blue sky completely covered in layer after layer of clouds and a green canopy or two below it. And I thought to myself, ‘If there was one moment where anything was possible, this would be it. If only I can make this go on forever, where everything can always come true…’

Now don’t blame me for sloppy thinking, but there’s something about the combination of rainy weather and good music that puts me in a very deep state of relaxation. I have this theory about rain and western philosophy.

But I’ll cut this rant here and quote The Guide…

Incredible though it may seem, it is in fact possible, that the strange and terrible history of the planet Brontitall – where Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, and Zaphod Beeblebrox are even now falling out of the sky onto curious and aggravating birds, admiring surprising large statues of unexpected people – i.e. Arthur Dent, exchanging hostile words with alien soldiers with inexplicable limps, and generally having a fairly peculiar time of it – may yet admit of some form of explanation. Furthermore it is possible that this explanation will have more than a little to do with the mysterious “somethings” or “whatchamacallits” of which the bird people refuse to speak. On top of which, it is also possible that Lintilla the archaeologist – who may possibly turn out to have an almost impossibly strange life story – may play a major part in the uncovering of this explanation. It is even possible that pigs will fly – or that everyone will live happily ever after. In an infinite universe everything, even ’The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’, is possible.

5:17 pm October 2nd, 2009 | Category: H2G2, Rant | Leave a comment

Every conundrum, every dilemma, every one of those daily questions of life, the universe and everything will have four possible choices.

1. The one you want everyone else to know is the ‘fit and proper’ way
2. The one you desperately want to take but your own sense of right and wrong is in the way
3. The wrong one
4. The right one which nobody told you about, nobody can see, and in retrospect everyone will chastise you for taking

This has been a moment of random pseudo-philosophy.

Thank you.

In other news, I’ve been off twitter and facebook for 13 days. The world hasn’t ended. I wonder how long will I stay off. I wonder if I’ll go completely off the social networking grid. I’ve tried before.

Also, it seems my world could be turned to dust even if I pick choice 4 repeatedly. Therefore, a pithy aphorism: “Peace is the lull between crises.” It sounds good and means nothing. So it’s just fine.

Just fine.

Also, a Robert Frost poem. (I don’t usually like poetry, FYI).

More »

10:12 am October 2nd, 2009 | Category: Rant | Leave a comment

Caveat Lector: I wrote this half asleep in the bus.

Every day when you get out. Just for a little while. As soon as you board the bus. When you catch your breath. That voice in your head starts to squeak. Then whine. Then squeal. And yelp. And shout. And scream. And roar. ‘Have you forgotten something?’ it asks. ‘Nothing left behind?’ it winks mischeviously. ‘Or something left not done, incomplete?’ it pleads.

And you cannot answer, because you do not know.

And you think, ‘Anything?’

And you hope, ‘Nothing…’

And you exclaim, in a somewhat hollow voice, ‘Nothing!’

And you nervously glance inwards, to the memory of the place you left behind.

And you remember nothing.

And you see nothing.

And it makes you afraid.

And you panic.

‘Don’t Panic. Don’t Panic. Don’t Panic. Don’t Panic. Don’t Panic.’

That voice is doubt. It is the enemy of the hero and the counsel of the king.

Beware.

10:11 pm October 1st, 2009 | Category: Rant | Leave a comment

Outside the tattered rags covering the broken frame surrounding the shattered panes of the window, the sullen grey-green sky hangs over the glowing gray Earth, the skyline formed by the austere but beautiful concrete jungle which is the descendant of what they once called Delhi. Xzz’td draws the curtains one more time and yet, his magic will not work. Many moons ago, he remembers clearly, his incantations would turn the sky blood-blue, and the moons would become bright pink – just as the legends of times before the heavenly fire snakes descended. But now, everyone laughed at his failed attempts, and he blamed the tiny moon Floona for interfering with the large Sola and ruining his magic – why did Floona block Sola all those years ago? Nothing had worked since – his conapt now a wreck, his curtain the last cloth he owned, his destitution near complete. 12 years to a cycle, he calculated the cycle 2015 upon him, and he was already nostalgic about the 9th year of this cycle, nostalgic about the cycle 2010 when his friends say they remember the fire snakes coming and the sky turning the most beautiful chrome and purple from a pillar of platinum and gold, banishing the horrid blueness forever. He turned and saw the rest of his conapt brothers squabbling over the holy jukebox of rumination and what order they should play the hymns in. “Leukemia, schizophrenia, polyethylene,” said one of the hymns, another going, “beep-beep-’m-beep-beep-yeah.” He marveled at the crazy Predecessors – what possessed them to write such obvious madness down, this strange series of phrases that could bring hallucination, put pictures in your mind. He entered the argument and they squabbled for hours over the correct order. And again, he was denied. And now, he decided to take his message from the Gods seriously, and so he took his fist and punched in numbers rapidly by slamming down on the console, and the others, seeing his religious frenzy, bowed in reverence, and as the music began to blare out, broke into a thousand tongues, each wondering aloud to itself – “Why was the order of my playlist wrong, Oh Lords?”

7.30 pm, 22 Sep 2009.

Took about 10 minutes to write.

10:22 pm September 22nd, 2009 | Category: 10 minute effort, Sci Fi, Story | Comments (2)